His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.” “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
That may seem funny, but I wonder what happened to the driver, as I had something eerily similar happen to me thirty years ago. I was driving down a 2-lane road going 55, when a 4x8 sheet of half-inch plywood flew off a truck coming from the other direction, also doing 55, and landed just above the bottom of the windscreen, totaling the car and almost killing me. Whenever something -piece of paper, branch,...- hurtles towards me when I'm at the wheel, I still have a knee-jerk reaction even when it doesn't hit the car (especially in autumn I have to be careful).
Like all pilots, Santa Claus receives regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration to ensure that all of his equipment is in proper working order for the festive season. In preparation for the FAA examiner’s inspection last month, Santa got the elves to wash the sleigh and bathe all the reindeer. Santa then went through his books to make sure they were right up to date, for he knew that the examiner would be extremely thorough. On arrival, the examiner walked slowly around the sleigh. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and Rudolph’s nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa’s weight and balance calculations for the sleigh’s enormous load. Finally they were ready for the test ride, in which Santa’s flying skills would come under intense scrutiny. Santa got in to the sleigh, fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness, and checked the compass. All the reindeer were in position. Then the examiner hopped in, carrying, to Santa’s surprise, a shotgun. ‘What’s that for?’ asked Santa nervously. The examiner winked and confided: ‘I’m not supposed to tell you this ahead of time, but you’re gonna lose an engine on takeoff.