Daily Chuckle

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
3,150
3,597
113
Central, IL
So, what are you using for an octane booster?
racing fuel.jpg
 
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Magicman

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Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,056
6,430
113
80
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
An elderly man in Georgia had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a beautiful large pond at the back of the property next to the
road, and he'd fixed it up real nice with picnic tables, horseshoe pits,
and he'd planted some nice flowers and fruit trees next to the pond.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond to look it
over, as he hadn't been down there for a while.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard splashing and female voices shouting and
laughing with glee.

As he came closer he saw that 5 young women had parked their car at the
side of the road, climbed the fence and were skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went hurriedly
splashing to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'We're naked and we're not coming out
until you leave!'

The old man frowned and yelled back, 'I didn't come down here to watch
you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm just here to feed the
alligator'.
 
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Magicman

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,056
6,430
113
80
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
Don't expect me to stop if you are on the side of the road with your hood up because I know that you have been offered and refused extended warranty on that vehicle many times.
 
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BigG

Well-known member

Equipment
l2501, FEL, BB, Rotary cutter, rake,spreader, roller, etc. New Holland TL80 A
Sep 14, 2018
1,950
774
113
West Central,FL
Don't expect me to stop if you are on the side of the road with your hood up because I know that you have been offered and refused extended warranty on that vehicle many times.
That is not true. When they ask me "How many miles on your pick up?" and I say 350,000 they hang up on me.
 

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
3,150
3,597
113
Central, IL
Hey you all watch this
wheelie.jpg
 
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Fordtech86

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
L3200
Aug 7, 2018
4,697
5,458
113
Pineville,LA
They are to me, and I've only got 205,000 on mine.
Thats when Im ready to buy 🤣 my latest daily driver is 190k (and thats only because I bought the wife a new ride, its her retired daily) and my truck at 230k (bought with 180k ish)
 

Magicman

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,056
6,430
113
80
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10.' Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'
 

Magicman

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,056
6,430
113
80
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
A blond, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handywoman" and started canvassing the neighborhoods. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

The blond quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize
that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blond handywoman came to the door to collect her money.

"You finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blond replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats - no extra charge."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus."
 
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i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
3,150
3,597
113
Central, IL
Picked up new car at the auto mall, can't figure out how to get it out the door
auto mall.jpg
 

Magicman

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,056
6,430
113
80
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.

The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including:
Mrs. Butterworth,
Hungry Jack,
the California Raisins,
Betty Crocker,
the Hostess Twinkies,
Little Debbie, and
Captain Crunch.

The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
 
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