Daily Chuckle

[bh115577]

Re: Daily Chuckel

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. "So what do you think about that Doc ?" The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season." One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'."

"Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said, Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver." The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

 

[bh115577]

Re: Daily Chuckel

Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:

A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. Do you know how they make these gloves? he asked. No, I don't, she replied.

Well, he spoofed, There's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size. She didn't crack a smile. Oh, well. I tried, he thought. Five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing. What's so funny? he asked. She said, I was just envisioning how condoms are made!

 

[sawmill]

Re: Daily Chuckel

This gal wanted to surprise her biker boy friend with a tattoo. She went to the tattoo parlour and told the guy she wanted "biker b_tch" tattooed on the cheeks of her butt. He looked and said "you're butt is to skinny. How about if I just put a B on each cheek?" She agreed. When she got home the biker was laying on the couch drinking a beer. She walked in, turned around, dropped her pants, bent over and said "What do you think of that?" He said "Who the hell is Bob?"

 

[Daren Todd]

Re: Daily Chuckel

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[bh115577]

Re: Daily Chuckel

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while.

What happened? You look terrible.'

'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'


Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'

Bartender: 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'

Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really...'


Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'


Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shyt in my eye.'


Bartender: 'You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shyt?'
.
.
.
Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook!!'

 

[Daren Todd]

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"

 

[Daren Todd]

A man tells his wife, "Honey, your mom fell down the stairs 15 minutes ago." The wife yells at him, "Why are you just telling me now?" He said, "Because I couldn't stop laughing."

 

[olthumpa]

- - - - - This post deleter by olthumpa. - - - - -

I apologize to anyone that I may have offended with the joke, it was not my intention. If I had used Wolfman's gauge in determining it's appropriateness for this forum, I would not have posted it. Please accept my apology.

olthumpa

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

I love getting a laugh as much as the rest...​

But this is a family friendly site and we need to respect everyone.​

This is not saying anyone has done anything wrong... YET. ​

Please keep the jokes in the "if they wouldn't tell it at the dinner table, don't tell it here." category.​

 

[Daren Todd]

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"

 

[85Hokie]

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is all about.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.
''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room.

When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

 

[Diydave]

A young boy came home from school and told his mother, "I had a big fight with my classmate. He called me a sissy." The mother asked, "What did you do?" The boy replied, "I hit him with my purse!"

WTF does she have in that purse, anyway? https://youtu.be/TQxcV4lu-a4

 

[Daren Todd]

Screwed up the vid link... https://youtu.be/TQxcV4lu-a4

I was laughing, passed it to my wife and said you gotta see this!!! Wife proceeded to spit her ice cream cone all over my tablet

My wife and her sisters used to carry rocks and bricks in there purses growing up in the ghetto in Huston TX to keep from getting robbed and mugged.

 

[Daren Todd]

"What the heck is going on here?" yelled an angry man storming into the florist shop. "I just lost one of my main clients and it’s your fault!" "Why don’t you calm down a bit," said the lady behind the counter, "and let us know what exactly happened." "Well," said the man, “My biggest client moved to a new location, and to be nice I called you guys up and asked you to send him some flowers with a note saying 'Congratulations on your new location.' He calls me up and says, 'What's the idea with sending me a note that says "Rest in peace"?'" "Oh no!" she sighed, "Now I know why I got a nasty message from the funeral parlor!"

 

[Daren Todd]

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'! There's no paper on this side either!"

 

[lreops]

The Jewish Taxi driver




A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into
a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his
eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt
to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong
with you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked
woman before?"
The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you
sumsing, lady I vasn't staring at you like you
tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from."
The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if
you're not staring at my boobs or ass, sweetie, what
are you doing then?"
He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell, M'am,
I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking
to myself,'Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping
de money to pay for dis ride?


Now, that's a REAL JEWISH Businessman!


Ron

 

[Daren Todd]

Sometimes you have to wonder about the gene pool

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=L-UoJ-kT-Rc

 

[Diydave]

Sometimes you have to wonder about the gene pool

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=L-UoJ-kT-Rc

Link takes you to a generic youtube page, not a specific video...

 

[Daren Todd]

Link takes you to a generic youtube page, not a specific video...

Huh, just checked the link and it's working on both my phone and tablet. Just had to hit play on the video to get it to start

 

[North Idaho Wolfman]

Daren Bad link.