Daily Chuckle

[85Hokie]

Why women can't fix cars:

Did you see that car???
It has 6, count them - six headlights! Them fog lights will light up the road for sure!

 

[Lil Foot]

What car?

 

[Daren Todd]

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

 

[skeets]

Ohhh thats cold,,I love it

 

[Newlyme]

Being the Smart A$$ son that I am I tried to send Daren's picture to my parents in Ft Myers Fla where the eye of the Hurricane passed directly over. (They're fine. VERY close knit community. Everyone coming together.) Notice I said Smart A$$ not Techy Smart.

I thought I sent the picture with the email that said "Watch For Looters". Well no picture went.

Here's the reply I got from my Eighty Year Old parents, "We spent the morning loading shells. We have at least six guns ready now".

I'm old enough to remember a time when it was my parents that said, "No, you'll shoot your eye out". My how times have changed.

A few minutes later, (with my wife's help, ), I got the picture sent. Here's the reply I got, "Oh Man. Can't wait to show the neighbors this. We are really being vigilant about anyone coming into the neighborhood".

That was the reply I expected. Not the first one!

 

[DaTow'd]

In a remote part of the country, a strapping young farmhand was sent to the station to pick up the new school teacher who turned out to be an attractive young woman.

On the way back to the farm she noticed a stallion mounting a mare. “How do they know when to do that?” she enquired.

The young man explained that it was a sense of smell.

In the very next paddock a bull was enjoying himself on a cow.

“Again, it is a sense of smell,” explained the country boy. “Just like that ram and ewe over there.”

They got to the farmhouse, where he unloaded her luggage and turned to go. “See you later,” he said cheerily.

“Thanks,” she replied. “And do come over when your cold gets better.”

 

[skeets]

Oh shyt wheres the Windex ???

 

[sheepfarmer]

From a post On FB from a Detroit physician:

I was on morning rounds and asked a patient how he liked his breakfast, and he said it was ok but he was having trouble getting used to the flavor of the Kentucky jelly on his toast.

I asked to see the jelly, and he produced a foil packet labeled KY jelly...

 

[Redlands]

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

Be careful. The local sheriff or police may look the other way. However the game rangers are likely to haul you in for hunting over a baited field.......

 

[Daren Todd]

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk

 

[DThrash]

Doctors in Redding CA. reported cases of people coming in after they put sunscreen on their eyeballs to view the eclipse. They said it was painful. That would be funny until you realize those people vote and reproduce.

 

[Lil Foot]

Please boycott and do not use $1, $20, $50, and $100 bills as they depict slave owners on them. Please send them to me, and I will see to it that they are disposed of properly.

 

[Lil Foot]

A man was looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library.

He asked a girl: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl replied, in a loud voice "NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the people in the library started staring at the man, who was deeply embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the man's table and said with a laugh: "I study psychology,and I know what a man is thinking; I bet you felt embarrassed, right?"

The man responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ..... I`M NOT PAYING YOU THAT MUCH!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The man whispered to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people”.

 

[skeets]

There are no Walmarts in North Korea..........................only Targets.

 

[David Page]

A woman went to a doctors office with both ears burned. They asked her what happened, she said I was ironing and got a phone call and accidentally put the iron to my ear instead of the phone when I went answer it. Doctor asked how did you get the burn on the other ear? She said because they called back.

 

[skeets]

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked.
"I'm an inspector from Termite Busters," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little buggers."

 

[AndyM]

Skeets - that one brought a tear of laughter.

 

[bearbait]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=citUprKYyRw

 

[skeets]

Only in Canada EH

 

[bearbait]

Yep, always good for a laugh around here.