Daily Chuckle

Magicman

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Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,058
6,438
113
80
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
I stopped referring to my wife as "My future ex-wife" when I started hearing her refer to me as her "soon to be late husband." :oops:
 
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Magicman

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
5,058
6,438
113
80
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
Ok so the other morning I hear the kids rustling in the kitchen. They were in the process of getting breakfast together, making lunches, and getting ready for school.

I pour myself out of bed and head that way to make sure everyone is on track to get out the door. With 5 kids it takes a sharp mind. So in order to get my mind sharp in the morning I need my coffee.

I grab the filter and pull the coffee out of the fridge. I scoop the first ladle and before I drop it in I look and see a "Hair" in my coffee grounds! Kinda curly but not pubic thank god. Disgusted I pull it out and toss the coffee in. I got another scoop and low and behold another "Hair" A couple of them actually.

I stood there puzzled for a bit and then noticed that the rustling in the kitchen had come to a complete halt. I turned my head and asked in a very calm voice.. "Why is there HAIR in my coffee grounds?"

Well that broke the silence. It was as if a nuclear bomb went off and the world was coming to an end. The oldest "Shelby the live in" had no trouble throwing "Mitter Mat" the youngest under the bus. "Why don’t you ask Matthew, he's the one that spilled it!?"

Mitter Mat broke into a screaming plead for his life as if I was some sort of judge about to pass down a life sentence. "It wasn’t my fault! I was trying to grab the bread out and the coffee came with it and spilled on the floor!!!"

At this point I'm trying to recover the spinal fluid that just shot out my ears. Shelby keeps the flame alive by saying, " Yeah and he looked at me like I was gonna clean that **** up! He stood there and said "I don’t know how to clean it up?" She told him, "Better learn quick!"

At this point I really didn’t care about the details I just wanted silence. I looked at Mitter Mat and asked. "So you scooped the coffee back into the container?" He said "NO, I vacuumed it up"

I'm standing there in dismay in my boxers wishfully wanting my cup o jo and not being able to pull the trigger just yet. So I inquired further.. "Vaccumed? With which one?" He replied, "The hand vac.." Mind you, this is the same hand vacuum that is used to vacuum up the bird cage and kitty litter from the cat box!

At this point I was trying to put myself in his shoes. "Why didn’t you just throw out what had spilled and left the rest?" "Because you'd get upset if you saw some missing?" I pondered the logic thinking behind this coming from a 9yr old and was like "Ok, I get it.. So Mat, you figured it would be better for me to drink cat *** and bird dropping instead of missing out?" "Yep" with the most honest face you could imagine. He truly couldn’t see the problem..

After I dumped the majority of the coffee out I started making my coffee and then the girls (Courtney and Shelby) fired up.. "Dad we missed the bus"

I turned slowly and exclaimed...."I got hairy cat coffee and now I gotta take you to school before I can even enjoy a cup!!!!!!!!!?"

Sometimes the Govt doesn’t pay us enough for them. :rolleyes:
 
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i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
3,170
3,636
113
Central, IL
Why the Iphone generation has a hard time finding work

interview.jpg
 

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
3,170
3,636
113
Central, IL
Well, they did say a vaccine side effect could be "bathroom accidents"
bathroom accident.jpg
 

DaTow'd

Active member

Equipment
what ever it takes to get the job done
Aug 13, 2013
183
150
43
Bella Coma BC Canada
From Rags to Riches
Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner for a shoe shine. He sits in an armchair, examines the Wall Street Journal and the shoe shiner buffs his shoes to a mirror shine.

One morning the shoe shiner asks the CEO: "What do you think about the situation in the stock market?"
The man answered arrogantly, "Why are you so interested in that topic?"
The shoe guy replies, "I have millions in your bank," he says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market."

"What's your name? " asked the executive. John H. Smith was the reply.

The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department; “Do we have a client named John H Smith?”; "Certainly”, answers the Customer Service Manager, "he is a high net worth customer with 12.6 million dollars in his account."

The executive comes out, approaches the shoe shiner, and says, "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you next Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we could learn something from your life's experience."

At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members. "We all know Mr. Smith, from the corner shoe shine stand, but Mr. Smith is also an esteemed customer. I invited him here to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him."

Mr. Smith began his story.
"I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Fortunately, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options, eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for 25 cents and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating a few dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and polishes in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while, I was able to buy an armchair so my clients could sit comfortably while I shined their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every cent. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shiner on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place. Finally, 6 months ago, my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, passed away and left me 12.6 million dollars."
 
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i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
3,170
3,636
113
Central, IL
The front brakes kinda grabs
front brakes.jpg
 
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chim

Well-known member

Equipment
L4240HSTC with FEL, Ford 1210
Jan 19, 2013
1,738
823
113
Near Lancaster, PA, USA
This individual was taken into custody for attempting to run over a PA State Trooper with a car. Is the "Just Did It" tee shirt an admission of guilt?

Did It.jpg
 

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
3,170
3,636
113
Central, IL
??? looks like I missed the party

bj pj.jpg