Daily Chuckle

[Magicman]

A tough old Montana cowboy once told his grandson that, if he wanted
to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on
his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he
lived to the age of 93. When he died he left 14 children, 28
grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren ... and a 15-foot hole in the
wall of the crematorium. "

 

[Magicman]

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a pistol. "It's for
my husband," she tells the clerk. Did he tell you what caliber to
get?" asked the clerk." "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even
know that I am going to shoot him!"

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

Even I could understand that....

 

[dlsmith]

"Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, "I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week." The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

Heard the same one a while back, but it was an airline pilot.

 

[Magicman]

An old Indian was asked what his wife's name was.

"Wife named Three Horse", he replied.

"That's an unusual name for your wife -- Three Horse. What does it mean?"

"It's old Indian name. Means Nag-Nag-Nag!"

 

[Magicman]

If you don't have any annoying bad habits, whatever it is that you have been doing or not doing, either keep doing it or don't stop doing it.

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Magicman]

Don't need no elecreic fence here....hell dat woman sleeps with a pistol !!!

 

[Daren Todd]

Don't need no elecreic fence here....hell dat woman sleeps with a pistol !!!

Mine sleeps with an 80lb German shepherd. But the shepherd keeps her from messing with me

 

[Daren Todd]

 

[Old_Paint]

But I'm sure someone made a mistake. There is NO WAY that barrier is going to be in the middle. It's normally going to make an 80/20 split. I'll give you three guesses who gets the 20, and the first two don't count.

 

[SAR Tracker]

View attachment 54811

There is room for all of Gods animals. Covered in gravy and next to the mashed taters.....

 

[Magicman]

We very seldom get any snow and yesterday we did get about 1 1/2" of mix accumulation. At least the ground is white but I am sorta worried about my wife. She loves snow and all that she has done is stand at the window with tears rolling down her cheeks.

It's getting cold outside and I may have to let her in !!!

 

[bearbait]

We very seldom get any snow and yesterday we did get about 1 1/2" of mix accumulation. At least the ground is white but I am sorta worried about my wife. She loves snow and all that she has done is stand at the window with tears rolling down her cheeks.
View attachment 55001
It's getting cold outside and I may have to let her in !!!

Lol, stick to your guns man, nobody likes a quitter!!

 

[Magicman]

A New York Lawyer is hunting quail down in Alabama. He sees a bird, shoots it, but it falls dead in the adjacent farm property owned by a wiry old timer.

So the lawyer crosses the fence to collect his bird when suddenly the wiry old farmer appears and says "Don't take that bird. That's my bird".

The lawyer quickly replies, "I know the law, and I shot the bird so it's my bird!"

The old farmer calmly informs the New York Lawyer, "Well this here is Alabama, this ain't New York, so we have to settle this the Alabama Way."

So the lawyer, not wanting to get into a long drawn out argument asks, "How's that?"

The old timer explains, "Well, I pound you just as hard as I can, then you pound me just as hard as you can, then who ever wins, he gets the bird."

The lawyer looking at the thin wiry frame of the old farmer says, "OK."

So the old timer just a lays into him, kicking and a punchin' 'till the lawyer looks real bad beat-up, then stops to catch his breath.

The lawyer, still conscious, manages to utter, "Ok. My turn."




The old time picks up the bird and tosses it to the lawyer and says, "Naw, don't worry about it. I give up. You can have the bird."