Daily Chuckle

i7win7

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BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
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Central, IL
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes, I know,” said the lady, “I need both hands to hold onto this hat.” “But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!”
 
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i7win7

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BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
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Central, IL
My wife and I went to the County Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ..... Smiled and said, "He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week".
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW~~That's more than twice a week! .......... You could learn a lot from him".
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said:
THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,"That's once a day .. You could REALLY learn something from this one".
I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow".

My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and the doctors say I should eventually make a full recovery.
 
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Magicman

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M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
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Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!

> Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.
Age Associated Attention Deficit Disorder.>
This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So I decide to put the bills back on the table & take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
>
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm.

I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep
it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye.

They need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.


I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote someone had left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs..

But first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers.
Quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Was I first gonna water the garden??

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.


Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!
 
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Magicman

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knotholesawmill.com
When I was a boy a single dip cone of ice cream or a Coke was 5 cents each.

If you bought a double dip cone of ice cream for 10 cents and didn't eat the cone, you could get a single dip refill for free.
 
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RCW

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BX2360, FEL, MMM, BX2750D snowblower. 1953 Minneapolis Moline ZAU
Apr 28, 2013
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Chenango County, NY
When I was a boy a single dip cone of ice cream or a Coke was 5 cents each.

If you bought a double dip cone of ice cream for 10 cents and didn't eat the cone, you could get a single dip refill for free.
The Agway Feed Store had a Pepsi machine. A daily stop after hauling canned milk.

General Store was also the post office. They had ice cream novelties.

15 cents each, but I’m a little younger…..

My grandfather allowed one or the other…
 

Magicman

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M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
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Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
I have heard the old adage about "older and wiser" but so far I have only gotten older. I sorta drifted toward memory loss so here is an almost true story:

I started walking out to my shop and forgot why I was going. I stopped and then noticing that my neighbor was watching me so I started looking up in the trees. I turned around and came back to the house leaving my neighbor looking up in the trees. I got into the house and then wondered what I came here for so I went and sat in my recliner. As soon as my butt hit the seat I immediately remembered why I was going to the shop.

Since I am on the 'old side' of 70, I guess this proves that the only thing that my mind listens to is my butt.
 
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PoTreeBoy

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L35 Ford 3930
Mar 24, 2020
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WestTn/NoMs
I have heard the old adage about "older and wiser" but so far I have only gotten older. I sorta drifted toward memory loss so here is an almost true story:

I started walking out to my shop and forgot why I was going. I stopped and then noticing that my neighbor was watching me so I started looking up in the trees. I turned around and came back to the house leaving my neighbor looking up in the trees. I got into the house and then wondered what I came here for so I went and sat in my recliner. As soon as my butt hit the seat I immediately remembered why I was going to the shop.

Since I am on the 'old side' of 70, I guess this proves that the only thing that my mind listens to is my butt.
I recommend note cards. A few years ago, if I needed to remember 3 or more things, I wrote them on a note card. Now it's down to 2 or more.
The hardest thing is remembering to read the card.
 

Old_Paint

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LX2610HSDSU, LA535 FEL w/54" bucket, LandPride BB1248, Woodland Mills WC-68
Dec 5, 2020
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AL
Buddy picked up a pair of pliers today
Wait till ya figure out that what just fell outta the pickup with no tailgate in front of you and is now making gorgeous sparks all over the place is the receiver hitch that the pickup owner is going to be missing the next day.