Daily Chuckle

skeets

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Re: Daily Chuckel

If he crawled out it wouldn't be a joke,,lol
 

D2Cat

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Re: Daily Chuckel

The topic is Chuckle (spelled differently), not joke---just for clarity.


And Some People Say the Police Don't Care!

Are you irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others? Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.

This story involves the police department in the small town of Columbus, Nebraska, who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Platte River near the State Highway 30 bridge.

The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive alcohol consumption while visiting someone in Central City. The 42-year-old male victim was wearing black fishnet stockings, 6-inch spike heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes, and an Obama T-shirt.

The Columbus police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

So there, police do care.
 
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Corney

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Re: Daily Chuckel

Gotta say I am not involved in American politics at all as I am a Canadian!

Appears to be a real hate on for Oboma on most posts on this forum?

We have Justin Trudeau here representing the same group.

I watch from a distance and is this Jeb Bush the other alternative?

disclaimer I am not a a liberal!

Just wondering?
 

Grouse Feathers

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Re: Daily Chuckel

The topic is Chuckle (spelled differently), not joke---just for clarity.


And Some People Say the Police Don't Care!

Are you irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others? Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.

This story involves the police department in the small town of Columbus, Nebraska, who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Platte River near the State Highway 30 bridge.

The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive alcohol consumption while visiting someone in Central City. The 42-year-old male victim was wearing black fishnet stockings, 6-inch spike heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 2 1/2 inch false eyelashes, and an Obama T-shirt.

The Columbus police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

So there, police do care.
They found him, the last Irishman to walk out of a bar.

Larry
 

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Re: Daily Chuckel

Gotta say I am not involved in American politics at all as I am a Canadian!

Appears to be a real hate on for Oboma on most posts on this forum?

We have Justin Trudeau here representing the same group.

I watch from a distance and is this Jeb Bush the other alternative?

disclaimer I am not a a liberal!

Just wondering?
I fervently hope not! JB is what we call a "RINO" - Republican In Name Only.

Don't want to get into politics too deeply (This place is refreshingly free of such rants) but I really do feel the 2016 elections are critical.
 

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Re: Daily Chuckel

A Scottish woman goes to the doctor in Glasgow, worried about her husband's temper and threatening manner.

The doc asks, "What's the problem, Janet?"

The woman answers, "Weeell, Doctor Cameron, I dinae know what to do. Every time ma hubbie comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me aroon'."

The doctor replies, "Aye, well... I have a real good cure for that. When your husband arrives home intoxicated, just take a wee glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is sound asleep."

Two weeks later, she comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

"Doctor, that was brilliant!" she exclaims. "Evrae time ma hubbie came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished an' swished, and he didnae touch me even once! Tell me, Doc...wha's the secret? How's the water do that?"

The doctor says, "Janet, hen , it's really nae big secret. The water does absolutely nothing - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick..."
 
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Diydave

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Re: Daily Chuckel

Joke of the Day: The tree hugger and the tree
by EDITOR on JUNE 22, 2011
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland in Washington.

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

old-growth-forest
She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.
As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

In considerable pain, she hurried to a local emergency room to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, “What took you so long?”

He smiled and then told her, “Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a “recreational area” so close to a waste treatment facility. I’m sorry, but due to ObamaCare they turned you down. :D
 

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Re: Daily Chuckel

One day this little boys mother told him he was going to get a baby brother. He was so excited that everyday when he went to school he would tell the teacher he was going to get a baby brother. Then one day his mother let him feel the baby kicking in her belly. The next day when he went to school he didn't say anything to the teacher. So she asked him what happened to his baby brother. He said "I think mommy ate him."
 

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Re: Daily Chuckel

A cowboy strolls into town on his horse fireball and goes straight to the saloon. He drinks straight whiskey for a few hours, never moving except to take another drink. When he's done he gets up and walks out of the saloon.

He immediately runs back in and yells, "Alright! Who took fireball?" But nobody makes a noise.

He continues, "Okay, I'm gonna give y'all to the count of three then we're gonna have a repeat of what happened back in '71."

"ONE!" He pauses and nobody moves a muscle.

"TWO!" Everybody braces for impending doom.

"Here it comes... THR..."

He is interrupted by a man in the saloon, "Wait! It was just a joke mister. Your horse is right out back... By the way, what'd you do in '71?"

The cowboy looks him dead in the eye and says, "I had to walk home."
 
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85Hokie

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Re: Daily Chuckel

Shyt,,, coffee all over the puter now :D:D:D:D
Guy goes up to Alaska, wants to experience the feeling of being out in the wilderness and basically wanting to be a man of the earth and thought that Alaska was a tough enough place to be all that he could be....

gets to Alaska, goes into the local bar, explains to the bartender his plan....

she tells him there are three things that you have to do to be looked upon as being a fierce man up here.....

he smiles, let me have them he says...

1st thing - you have to hammer down a quart of the best whiskey we have, all in one serving - one swig!

2nd thing , you have to go up to the cave and kill the polar bear that lives there....

3rd thing, you have to make love to a local eskimo woman around the corner!

He said that aint to bad, I'll start with the first thing first, she pours him out a large flask of whiskey and he turns it up and drinks every single drop.....all in one large gulp!

After talking about where this polar bear was located and getting directions to the cave the whiskey was taking it effect.....

he walks up the road, staggering around and blitzed out of his mind, when he finds the cave, he enters and finds the bear, he comes back out 30 minutes later and heads back to the bar where all this started, he enters, the bartender looks at him, blood coming from every direction, cuts, bruises, clothes torn off, blacken eyes, no boots, he looks like he is just hanging on to last seconds of life.....

ok, bartender - where is this eskimo woman you want me to kill?:D
 
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Daren Todd

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Re: Daily Chuckel

85hokie, ya know, that just ain't right :p:rolleyes::D:D funny as hell though :cool:
 

sawmill

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Re: Daily Chuckel

Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby and it was born without any ears.
Well, Johnny wanted to go over and see it. His mother told him no, because he
would say something about the baby not having any ears. He promised he wouldn't say anything about it. So finally his mother told him they would go see the baby, but he better not say one word about the baby not having any ears.
So they went next door and Johnny was looking at the baby and said "he sure has nice feet, what did the doctor say about his feet?" They mother said his feet were fine. Johnny looks at the babies hands and said "what did the doctor say about his hands?" The mother said his hands were fine. So Johnny looks at the babies eyes and said "what did the doctor say about his eyes?" The mother said his eyes are fine. Johnny said "it's a good thing, 'cause the little fu@#er can't were glasses.
 

Daren Todd

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Re: Daily Chuckel

A wife treats hubby by taking him to a strip club for his birthday..... at the club, the door man says "Hi Jim, how are you?" The wife says, "How does he kbow you?" Jim says, "oh dear, I play foot ball with him."

Inside the bartender says "The usual Jim"
Jim says, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts team"

Next the stripper says, "Hi Jim! Do you crave the special again??"

The wife storms out dragging Jim with her and jumps into a taxi.....

The taxi driver says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time......"

Jims funeral is on sunday !!!!!
 

skeets

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Alcohol doesn't solve any problems.............but then again, neither does milk.
 

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Re: Daily Chuckel

The old fellow in the big cowboy hat got a standing ovation. The Sierra Club and the U. S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue. What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again. This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U. S. Forest Service. All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes. Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here. These coyotes ain't f***in'our sheep; they're eatin' 'em!" The meeting never really got back to order.
 

Daren Todd

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Re: Daily Chuckel

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.
 

sawmill

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Re: Daily Chuckel

This guy and gal gets married and go to Niagara falls on their honeymoon. The next morning he gets up and goes outside and is standing looking at the falls. After a while this other guy walks up and they start talking. The newlywed asked the guy if he was married and he said he was. Pretty soon the newlywed said to the guy, "I slept with my wife before we got married. How about you?" The other guy says,"I don't know. What was her maiden name?"
 

Daren Todd

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Re: Daily Chuckel

It's tuesday and this women is having an affair. All of a sudden they here someone come into the house. Her husband had come home early. The guy bails into the closet to hide. He suddenly here's a little voice saying "it sure is dark in here!!!". The guy looks down and realizes there's a small boy in there with him. The guy says "yes, it is dark in here!"

The boy says "I have a base ball mitt I'll sell you"
The guy says "how much?"
The boy says "$100"
The guy says " that seems a little steep for a mitt!"
The boy says "well we can go ask my dad!"

The man buy's the mitt. The following week the guys back, and the dad shows up again. So he bails into the closet. And here's a small voice say "it sure is dark in here!!"
The guy says" yes it is"
The boy says "I have a baseball I'll sell you"
The guy says "how much this time"
The boy says "$200, but if you don't like the price, then we can ask my dad!!"
The guy buys the ball. A week goes by and he ends up back in the closet a third time. Hear's the boy say "it sure is dark in here!!"
The guy asks the boy what he has for sale this time. The boy says "I have a baseball bat for sale for $300"
The guy purchases the baseball bat.

Later on that night the dad asks the boy if he wants to play ball. The boy states that he doesn't have the stuff because he sold it for $600.
The dad say "son that isn't right. You sold the stuff for way more then what it was worth. You cheated the person and you need to go confess your sins!!"

He takes the boy to church. Put's the boy in the confessional. The boy say's "It sure is dark in here!!"
The preacher immediately says "Now don't start that again!!!" :D