Daily Chuckle

Josef

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2014 Kubota MX 5200 with 6 la1065 loader, sq172 Bush hog shredder, 6 ' Armstrong
Feb 25, 2016
282
0
0
victoria tx 77904
Mostly probably true story.

Just to show everyone how naive I am, I was probably
over 30 years old before I finally figured out that when
people were talking about sniffing crack, it wasn't a
woman's bottom.
 

ShaunBlake

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Equipment
B6100D; B219; Piranha bar; Hodge stabilizers; Filled Ag rears; R322T w/48" deck
Dec 21, 2014
899
1
0
81
Sugar Hill -- next door to Buford, GA
An Irishman's First Drink With His Son

While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.

Off we went to the pub, only two blocks from our house.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Kilkennys, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. So I drank it.

I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer, so we tried a Jameson's, nope!

***8203;I***8203;n desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!

By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so fookin' shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home.
 

captmikem

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Equipment
BX2660 MX 4800 and a bunch of attachments.
Mar 16, 2017
142
15
18
SW Washington State.
Okay, I have to add one…

Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm, his wife is laying there on the bed.

“Darling” he says, “I just wanted to show you the pig I am forced to have sex with whenever you tell me you have a headache”.

His wife looks at him and says “You really need to be aware that is a sheep not a pig”.

He looks at her and says…

“You really need to be aware I was not talking to you!”
 

Ramos

New member

Equipment
1870-1, LA203A, RCK54
Feb 25, 2016
463
3
0
Sherman County, Oregon
Awesome, and thanks for sharing the pictures. Quite an accomplishment. I know of several guys who are pretty much 'Magnum' crazy.

Wish I knew of a joke to share. Apologies for inducing thread-drift in the Daily Chuckle section.
 

Newlyme

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M4900 w/loader, finish mower, tiller, auger, rake. BX24 w/loader, backhoe
May 27, 2015
633
63
28
Nelson Ohio USA
Airplanes and Tractors always bring a smile, at least while they are running right.
More so the Airplane.

The Tractor, if it's not running right, a small step or two down and you're on the ground kicking the tire and cussin' for second.

The Airplane, if it's not running right, that's one big step down and you'll be cussin' for a minute or two!

:p
 

coachgeo

Well-known member

Equipment
L225 w/woods Few Mowers & Back Blade, D722 in Motorcycle (Triumph Tiger), LMTV
Nov 16, 2012
2,460
32
48
Southern OH
Re: Max the talking dog

that is definitely a "turning point"
 

Daren Todd

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Massey Ferguson 1825E, Kubota Z121S, Box blade, Rotary Cutter
May 18, 2014
9,056
4,526
113
Vilonia, Arkansas
Yesterday my ex had the unfortunate luck of getting run over by a bus!!!!! :eek:

Coincidentally, on the same day, I got fired from my job as a bus driver :rolleyes:
 

bucktail

Well-known member

Equipment
L1500DT, 6' king kutter back blade, boom, dirt scoop ford disk JD212
Jun 13, 2016
1,233
177
63
MN
Yesterday my ex had the unfortunate luck of getting run over by a bus!!!!! :eek:

Coincidentally, on the same day, I got fired from my job as a bus driver :rolleyes:
When I die, I want to go quietly in my sleep like my grandpa did, not yelling and screaming like the 42 people in the bus he was driving.
 

skeets

Well-known member

Equipment
BX 2360 /B2601
Oct 2, 2009
14,158
2,822
113
SW Pa
A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.
They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away,
suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair,
under the table and under the table cloth but the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress watched as the woman slid all the way down her chair
and totally out of sight under the tablecloth.
Still, the man stared straight ahead.
The waitress, thinking this behavior a bit risque
and worried that it might offend other diners,
went over to the table and, tactfully, began by saying to the man:
"Pardon me, but I think your wife just slid under the table.”

The man calmly looked up at her and said:
"No, she didn't... she just walked in.”
 

skeets

Well-known member

Equipment
BX 2360 /B2601
Oct 2, 2009
14,158
2,822
113
SW Pa
That Last Nickel

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

"No," the woman replied...."Divorce attorney."