Daily Chuckle

[Steamguy]

Another electric fence story

This one has got to be true, back in High School, my friend told me about it.

His family had a couple hundred acres, and they'd often lease it out to people who wanted to pasture livestock. His dad, being a frugal type, had set up the fence line to maximize the amount of pasture. So the fence ran right behind the house. Right behind my friend's bedroom, in the far back end of the house.

My friend's dad told him that hot Fall weekend he had the task of moving the hot wires down a bit, as the next tenant was going to pasture sheep on the land. Job got done, but my friend found out the bottom wire, although not quite on the ground where he'd stretched it, was a bit too low.

They had a family of skunks come through, and their backs were just high enough to brush against that low wire.

You can guess how bad everything in the vicinity stunk.

My friend had to go into that stinking mess and move the wire up a bit, then wash his clothes about a dozen times. And he couldn't open his bedroom window for a little relief from the heat.

 

[Steamguy]

Shop Vac

One of the other threads reminded me of this story, I still chuckle about it:

Back in the late 60s when I was an apprentice mechanic, I of course got all the ugly and nasty jobs because I was 'the low man'. I was always the guy who had to go into the customers' cars and clean windows, vacuum out the car, clean the ashtrays, and so on. (Remember when that kind of service came with a lub-oil-filter?)

Inevitably, we had a few customers who smoked like chimneys. And then we had this one guy who smoked like a FACTORY chimney. Holey cow, the inside of his car was always NASTY!!

Well, by this time, I'd developed "a faster way" of cleaning car interiors - I just sucked out the ashtrays into the big shop-vac. After all, I was the guy who had to dump the darn thing, what did I care if it stank like old cigarettes?

Anyway, we'd had a busy week in oil changes - a couple of customers had big hairy dogs (which always made the interiors real fun to clean out), and then this guy's car comes in. So I took a deep breath beforehand and then stepped into the interior to clean it. Man, that car stunk from old cigarettes, plus there were ashtrays EVERYWHERE, all full to overflowing. So of course I just sucked them out with the vacuum, and was working hard on the mats and seats, trying to get out all the ashes and other junk.

I was trying to get the job done and somewhere in the background of my mind, I started noticing more than the usual amount of swearing and yelling from all over the shop. Suddenly this big heavy hand clamps down on my shoulder... WHAT do you think you're DOING??!! Well, I was clueless because I'd had my head down and working, until he pointed and I looked over at the shop-vac... and there was this thick column of blue smoke roaring out the top of it. The thing was positively volcanic - it looked like a steam engine trying to get a heavy freight started!!

I jumped out of the car, and the shop was full of this horrible combination of stink from dog hair and rancid old cigarette stench from the shop-vac fire. I had to wheel the vacuum outside - still smoking - open it up, and put out that nasty, stinking fire.

Although I got myself reprimanded for not dumping the shop-vac often enough, I did chuckle about it later... You see, several of the Journeymen smoked, and often didn't care about where they left the butts - and I was the guy who had to sweep them up as part of cleanup at the end of the night.

 

[Newlyme]

Was filling the truck up with gas. A deputy sheriff was behind me waiting in line.

At the next pump over a guy was filling up when he lit up a cigarette and the gas exploded catching his arm on fire, he commenced jumping around and waving his burning arm in air.

The deputy jumped out of his car with a fire extinguisher and extinguished the fire. The deputy then cuffed him and arrested him. I then politely asked the deputy why he arrested him.

The Deputy responded, "I arrested him for waving a firearm in the air."

(Some days are just bad, jokes and all!)

This one reminded me of a true story.
We've all been to the gas station and have seen a puddle of gas on the ground from someone spilling or overfilling.
One day I'm filling up and in pulls a young girl, (I was going to say lady but..). She pulls up to the pump opens her door doesn't look and throws a lit cigarette on the ground and heads inside to prepay. Now there wasn't any gas on the ground. It was just one of those days when you couldn't believe what you just saw.

 

[Lil Foot]

Years ago when I was taking my FF2 certification, I was having lunch with a City of Phoenix Battalion Chief, and asked him for some stories from his career. He asked if I had heard about the big fire at a Great America gas station in Flagstaff a few years previous. I had, & remembered something like 20 cars had burned, along with most of the station. Turns out, he was there.
He was filling up & happened to look over at the next island where he saw a guy in the process of filling an old truck, while struggling to see how much fuel was in the tank. He looked away, and when he looked back, the guy was trying to strike a match for more light to see in the tank. He screamed at the guy to stop, and ran over there to explain how stupid that was & what could happen. The guy was mortified & embarrassed, and apologized & thanked him profusely for stopping him from making such a huge mistake. They shook hands & he went back to his vehicle. He turned around just in time to see the guy flick a lighter at the filler neck, resulting in a huge fireball that quickly spread. The guy was burned but survived, and seemed to recognize the danger of using a match, but couldn't understand why the lighter had ignited a fire.

 

[85Hokie]

"The guy was burned but survived, and seemed to recognize the danger of using a match, but couldn't understand why the lighter had ignited a fire"

there are two kinds of "senses" ...........common and the one that Charles Darwin use to write about........

 

[bucktail]

When I was in college, I worked at a hog farm. They had 3350 gallon honey wagons that were equipped with vane pumps that would pull vacuum to fill the tank and pressure for when you were knifing it in. There was a vacuum/pressure gage in on the tank that you could see from the cab. When we were emptying the tanks, most of us would watch the gage, which would be ~20psi when the tank was getting close to empty, then drop to nothing once it started blowing air.

One of the guys was OCD, and he had to stop at the same place in the field every time, which meant that most of the time, he was going back to fill with over 3000 gallons of air compressed to 20psi and liquid manure in the bottom of the tank. The fill hose was something like 8-10" in diameter, and the valve was just a gate that slid up and down with a lever. For reasons known only to him, he didn't hook up the fill hose prior to opening the valve and was standing in front of it when he opened it. He got covered head to toe and had to ride back to town in the back of his pickup.

 

[Newlyme]

When I was in college, I worked at a hog farm. They had 3350 gallon honey wagons that were equipped with vane pumps that would pull vacuum to fill the tank and pressure for when you were knifing it in. There was a vacuum/pressure gage in on the tank that you could see from the cab. When we were emptying the tanks, most of us would watch the gage, which would be ~20psi when the tank was getting close to empty, then drop to nothing once it started blowing air.

One of the guys was OCD, and he had to stop at the same place in the field every time, which meant that most of the time, he was going back to fill with over 3000 gallons of air compressed to 20psi and liquid manure in the bottom of the tank. The fill hose was something like 8-10" in diameter, and the valve was just a gate that slid up and down with a lever. For reasons known only to him, he didn't hook up the fill hose prior to opening the valve and was standing in front of it when he opened it. He got covered head to toe and had to ride back to town in the back of his pickup.

^^
This one brought to mind another, True Story!
In one of the factories I used to work in we had a Plumber and he was literally "From the Old Country".
He used to use compressed air to unclog toilets until one day...!
After a shower and a clean uniform we had/have a story we all still tell.

 

[Daren Todd]

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[car compulsive]

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yep, this would be my dog and me at the range.

 

[niteshiftfromkc]

A friend of mine at work was telling me about his high school graduation party. One of the graduating seniors had a big bonfire celebration on his family's farm. He told me that another friend of his had never been on a farm before and since he had had a little too much to drink, needed to relieve himself. He decided to go to the corner of the field and take care of business.

Yep, you guessed it, right on the electric fence. My buddy said they got a good chuckle out of watching him jolt. But the best part was when the guy decided to turn 90 degrees to finish his business. Guess he didn't think the fence would turn the corner.

 

[sawmill]

............

 

[seanbarr]

Here's another version.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[skeets]

Ya gota love Labs,,, and Beagles

 

[car compulsive]

A female co-worker had a good story to share today. They live in the country with a long, unpaved driveway. Her husband puts up a line of stakes on one side of the driveway each winter to help find the driveway. Well, everything is melted around here and the driveway is a rutted swamp and his stakes this year are a line of nearly invisible metal spikes about 3 feet tall. Last night after dark, she walked to the home of their vacationing neighbor, took care of the cat, and brought back a bag of cat poop. (Don't as why she didn't throw it in a field.) At the end of her drive, she grabbed the mail - which she held in the same hand as the poop, and the garbage can. Walking along the side of the driveway to avoid the muck, she ran into a stake, fell in the muck, and the poop, mail, and garbage can all landed on top of her. She made it to the garage and dropped the mail into the garbage can instead of the poop. After straightening everything out, she went into the house and her husband asked "What took you so long?"

At this point, I pointed out the window to the hospital about a mile away (we're 13 floors up), and asked her what window is her husband's room so we can go visit. When she said her husband couldn't stop laughing for a half hour, I rephrased my question and asked what funeral home would host his visitation.

Later I suggested that if she said he could buy a utility vehicle like a RTV or Gator, she'd probably never have to do this kind of chore again.

 

[avi8tor]

Don't know if this has been posted before - Letter from farm kid after joining the military:
Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.

We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6***8243; and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8***8243; and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

 

[skeets]

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

 

[sawmill]

Whatever works.

 

[D2Cat]

A new arrival in hell was brought before the devil. The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity. At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks.

The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Georgia.

The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity. At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Georgia.

At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature for this man to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind. At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, the man was instead singing louder than ever, twirling the sledge hammer like a baton. When the devil asked him why, he was so happy, the man answered,

"Cold day in hell, the Falcons must have won the Super Bowl!"

 

[D2Cat]

Psychiatrist vs. Bartender


ever since i was a child, i've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So i went to a shrink and told him: “i've got problems. Every time i go to bed i think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think i'm going crazy.”

"just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get
rid of those fears.”

“how much do you charge?”

“one hundred fifty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“i'll sleep on it,” i said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that i went and bought a new kubota tractor.”

“is that so?” with a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may i ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“he told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”

it's always better to get a second opinion.

 

[bh115577]

Enjoy........

https://youtu.be/aPyYK_mhtwg