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Magicman

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Oct 8, 2019
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“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”

― WC Fields
 
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NorthwoodsLife

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Oct 15, 2021
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Before Eve, Adam is alone in the Garden of Eden. God comes and walks with Adam. God says, "Adam, I saw that you were lonely, so I created a woman, to be your wife. She'll help you in everything. Wash and mend your clothes, wash the dishes, keep the house clean, help raise your children, love you forever, be your best friend, and the best part is; She'll give you wonderful sexual pleasure".

Adam thanks the Lord. Then hesitates and asks: "Lord, how much will she cost me"?
God says: "An arm and a leg".

Adam hesitates again, and asks God: "What can I get for a rib?"
 
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Magicman

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Meanwhile at pregnancy class.

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners.

The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.

Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in the room, "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments, a man named Rod at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes," said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering, would it be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
 
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Magicman

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Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
3,593
3,138
113
79
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
A son asked his mother the following question

' Mom, why are wedding dresses white? '

The mother looks at her son and replies:

' Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

' Dad why are wedding dresses white? '

The father looks at his son in surprise and says:

'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

(The father's obituary will be appearing in the newspaper very soon.)
 
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