Daily Chuckle

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
1,296
630
113
Central, IL
The trainer said:

"Bad things happen at the scale house ... travel the back roads"

6 ton bridge.jpg
 
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Reactions: 1 user

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
1,296
630
113
Central, IL
Never knew auto-correct could fix "beach" pictures

auto-correct.jpeg
 

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
1,296
630
113
Central, IL
Neighbors reporting "big foot" tracks in the area

footwear.png
 
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Reactions: 1 user

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
1,296
630
113
Central, IL
One big bug
monster bug.jpeg
 
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Reactions: 1 user

NCL4701

Well-known member

Equipment
L4701, WC68 chipper, grapple, BB1572 box scrape, Howes 500, 16kW IMD gen
Apr 27, 2020
872
805
93
Central Piedmont, NC
I have been Diego. Twice. Went with a group of friends both times. They intervened before it came to blows both times. I now know if I’m drug into a Starbucks “venti Pike’s Place Roast, straight”. That’s all I know of such places. If I’m with those same friends, that’s all I’m allowed to say.
 

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
1,296
630
113
Central, IL
A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment one day. He submitted the following report to his editor.

"Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts."

The Editor scolded the new reporter, saying. "This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropriate!"

The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a one-car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( o )( o ) "
 

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
1,296
630
113
Central, IL
One day, Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of beers. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?" asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?"

"No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!
 

i7win7

Well-known member

Equipment
BX2370, B2650 grapple, tree puller, trailer mover, 3 point hoist, mower, tiller
Feb 21, 2020
1,296
630
113
Central, IL
Nothing like a good pair of work boots

good shoes.jpg
 

NCL4701

Well-known member

Equipment
L4701, WC68 chipper, grapple, BB1572 box scrape, Howes 500, 16kW IMD gen
Apr 27, 2020
872
805
93
Central Piedmont, NC
True story from this morning. Wife and I were headed out for a hike but saw an estate sale just a couple miles from home and decided to stop. We hadn’t planned to do any shopping, they took cash only, wife had zero cash, I had a little bit but hadn’t counted exactly how much.

Looking through some yard tools I saw a hoe in good shape with a $5 tag and I could use one that isn’t worn out. Sale was being run by husband and wife team. Asked them if they’d take $4. Guy said sure. My wife asked, “If you pay $4 for your hoe, do you have any left over for me?” I told her, “I got money for my ho but I ain’t got none left for you.” Couldn’t help saying it with a little bit of a smirk and a little laugh at the end.

The guy paused for a second and then about pissed himself laughing. My wife and his didn’t get it at all so they couldn’t figure out what was so funny and neither of us was explaining it.

I had $18 on me. I spent $4 of it. Wife spent the other $14, went home, got another $30, and spent $11 more.
 
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Magicman

Well-known member
Lifetime Member

Equipment
M4900 Utility Special 4WD e/w FEL & 1530 John Deere "Traveling Man"
Oct 8, 2019
2,761
1,700
113
78
Brookhaven, MS
knotholesawmill.com
OK, a promise is a promise so I had better post a joke:

Ed and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels
for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles
apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got
home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs,
restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that
Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better
than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed
took Dorothy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for
their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you.
I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next
stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing
question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I
read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe
golf. If that's going to be a problem, for us, you'd better say so now!"

Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a
problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being
totally honest with each other, you need to know that for about the last
five years I've been a hooker."

"I see," Ed replied thoughtfully. He looked down at the table, and was
quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added, "You know, it's
probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the
ball."
 
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Reactions: 4 users