Daily Chuckle

Bmyers said:

View attachment 66071

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That one looks yummy.

Researchers say they've discovered a tree extract that could
help to prevent herpes...

.. Must be a rubber tree...

Interesting way to chill out

Must be one of those adverse reactions I keep hearing about

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, and who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.


Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing the compartment, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Miss,

I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow!........................ That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied.. ..............'Get your own blanket.'

I went to the doctor the other day. The doctor comes into the exam room and I said
" why the huge Thermometer behind your ear?"
He grabs it and says
" damn it some azz hole has my pen!"


Was leaving the doctors office and a women comes in in a panic. She asked why her husband was there. The doctor explained that her husband had 6 small plastic horses in his rectum! She asked the doctor what condition he was in. The doctor said
" well....I think he's stable"

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves t o death... (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
( Don't try this at home, maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm..)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat' s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like t hat too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.



(What about that pig??)

A farmer drove to a neighbors' farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?" said the farmer.
"No sir he isn't, he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir he went with Mom and Dad."
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant".
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $100 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."