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Old 05-02-2015   #11
skeets
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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a
pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon
went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is
dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have
services for an animal in the church. But there are some
Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they
believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya think
$5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary , Mother of Jesus!
Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic??"
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Old 05-02-2015   #12
Daren Todd

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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

Did you hear about the guy who called the police because he saw some people stealing things out of the shed in his back yard? The police asked him if they were in his house and he said, "No." Then the police said that all units were busy and he should lock his doors. They would send someone as soon as they could.

The guy hung up, waited 30 seconds and called back. "I just called you about the people stealing things out of my shed. Well, don't worry about it, I shot them."

In less than five minutes, police cars screeched into his driveway, sirens blaring, and caught the thieves red-handed.

"I thought you said you shot them," said the officer.

"Thought you said no one was available," he replied.
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Old 05-02-2015   #13
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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

Shyt,,, coffee all over the puter now
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Old 05-02-2015   #14
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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

This news Item just in from Baltimore...

It seems that CVS is closing its burnt out stores and is selling their remaining inventory, left after the looting. Seems to consist of equal parts suntan lotion, condoms and father's day cards...
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Old 05-02-2015   #15
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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

Quote:
Originally Posted by skeets View Post
Shyt,,, coffee all over the puter now
Ceann a thugann suas a airm in am na síochána, ní bheidh aon a bheith in aimsir chogaidh

If you give up your arms in peace you couldn't shoot a grouse if you did see one.

Larry
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Old 05-02-2015   #16
skeets
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You aint never seen me shoot,,lol,,, Our lodge has a sporting clays shoot for the last 3 years for charity and I ll have you know I am in the top of the really low bottom scores,,,lol. Last year I had 45 out of 100,,, And I aint so sure we are at peace any more
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Old 05-04-2015   #17
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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

A young investment banker goes out and buys the car of his dreams - a brand new Ferrari GTO. After paying $500,000, he takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. While waiting for the light to change, an frail looking old man on a yellow moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the Ferrari and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, Sonny?"
The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"
"Wheeewee... that's a lot of money," says the old man as he tucks his thumbs up against his suspenders. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the banker proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"
"No problem," replies the proud new owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around at all the bells and whistles lining the dashboard. Sitting back on his moped, the old man whistles and says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the banker decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160 mph! Suddenly, he notices a yellow dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly... Whoooooosssshhhhh! Something blows by him, going much faster!
"What in the hell could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the young man asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the moped! Amazed that the moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph. Whoooooosssshhhhh!
He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him again! Dumbfounded, the banker floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again!
The Ferrari red lines and there's nothing more he can do! Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops and jumps out, and unbelievably, the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh my God! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man whispers with his dying breath... "Unhook... my... suspenders... from... your.... side view mirror."
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Old 05-04-2015   #18
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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

This guy is driving down the highway in his corvette and sees a hitchhiker with a big dog. So he stops and tells the the guy he would give him a ride, but there's not room for the dog. The hitchhiker says "I can tie his leash on the back bumper." The corvette driver says "that dog can't keep up." The hitchhiker says "oh yeah, he's pretty fast." So he ties the dog on the back bumper and they get in and take off. The driver gets up up to 20 mph, looks in the mirror and the dog is trotting along behind. He kicks it up to 50, looks in the mirror and the dog is just loping along . So he kicks it up to 80, looks in the mirror and the dog is running all out. He thinks Damn, I gotta take another look at this dog. So he slams on the brakes and they get out and walk to the back of the vette. The dog is just standing there. The driver says "that's the fastest dog I've ever seen. But what's that red ring around his neck?" The hitchhiker says "that's his a$$hole, he's not used to stopping that fast."
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Old 05-04-2015   #19
skeets
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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

An Irishman walks out of a bar

What???? It could happen
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Old 05-04-2015   #20
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Default Re: Daily Chuckel

Quote:
Originally Posted by skeets View Post
An Irishman walks out of a bar

What???? It could happen
You mean crawls out?
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